Aaaannnnd, we're back.

Took a ride on the lull of life for a while, and inspiration was mighty hard to come by. Fortunately, I've been having (too many) brain nuggets bouncing off the walls of my cranium as of late, all looking for a means of escape. These nugz brought me back here: typing words on a page that may never be read. That's okay though. This blog is meant to be another way to remember and reflect, and right now, I've got a whole lotta' reflecting to do.

I just finished Amy Poehler's book, Yes Please. For a while, I put off reading the last chapter because I didn't want it to end. I love the way she told her story. It was vulnerable and messy and completely accessible. I felt like I was getting life lesson after life lesson from my wise, long lost mama bear who knows a thing or two about "the biz." Why am I writing about this? Well, I have a couple reasons: 1. I needed a transition, and 2. this book really got my noggin crankin'. Amy has an entire chapter devoted to why she named the book "Yes Please." To summarize, the phrase is both a response and a request. "Yes" represents opportunity and "please" is a sign of both community and respect. It's a power phrase, and it got me thinking about how I use those two words in my own life.

Saying "Please" has always been a given. As Amy put it, "I like it when [my kids] say 'Yes please' because most people are rude and nice manners are the secret keys to the universe." Bingo. But what about the "Yes"?

I say "Yes" a lot. Part of it stems from my upbringing; I was raised to be thankful for and take advantage of every opportunity that came my way (great philosophy, but if you're not careful, it can lead to a tendency to people please). The other part stems from a theatre background. Improv scares the living daylights out of me, but it's a paramount tool for all actors. It teaches you how to react truthfully, lean into your scene partner, and be a listener. Now that I think of it, Improv could be great couples therapy. (*Note: If anyone wishes to test this theory, updates would be much appreciated. Thanks much.) It also teaches you how to say "Yes, And." I am not an expert on improv by any means, nor am I good at it for that matter, but if you were to ever take an improv class, odds are one of the first lessons you'd learn is how to say "Yes, And." A scene gets boring the minute a performer says "No." Saying "No" onstage is essentially like committing murder. You are actively making the decision to stop listening, do your own thing, and completely disregard everything the other person is giving you. That's where "Yes, And..." comes in. You need to say "Yes" to keep the scene alive, and you need to say "And..." to move it forward.

There you have it, folks! A less-than satisfactory improv lesson from yours truly. Just kidding. I had a point. My point to all this hubbub is that my life has been chalked full of "Yes's." Again, not always a bad thing, but like many people, it's definitely conditioned me to allow my needs take a back seat. I have a hard time asking for what I want in the same way that I have a hard time saying what I need. I find myself doing things for the sake of doing them. I often mix up a sense of obligation for loving people. All this eventually leading to yucky guck like resentment and passive aggressiveness... Two feelings I'd rather keep to an absolute minimum in my lifetime. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

This is not to say that you shouldn't go out of your way for others. One of the best life philosophies I've ever heard is "Give give give give, ask." Serving others and going out of your way for them can only do you good. It's even biblical! But what isn't healthy is feeling obligated to do things that affect your mental and physical well-being purely for the sake of pleasing other people. There's a difference between going out of your way for someone you love and going out of your way for someone to love you. They stem from two completely different places - one happy and full of yay's, and the other of anxiety and insecurity. Ain't nobody got time for the ladder. To say "Yes" you have to learn how to say "No". It's textbook, yet it's a chapter that I continue to go back to and reread over and over again. It's an ongoing lesson.

It's really easy for me to forget why I do what I do. In fact, the past few months have been riddled with mornings of waking up, dreading the day, and putting myself on auto-pilot. I find myself going through the motions instead of really living and being present; growing apathetic instead of soaking in the all the loneliness and discomfort, and pinpointing exactly what it is that keeps me from choosing joy.

Then, of course, there are the beautiful turbulences that remind me I'm still soaring. Amy Poehler's book, for instance. There's something special about reading what other people are passionate about - it's mega motivating. Another one for me is seeing God in the details. In the hour of sun peeking through the clouds after two weeks of rain, in the first cherry blossoms of the season, in the way my heart lights on fire when I do something I love... All moments of wonder and awe at His goodness. I think the rest of my life will be learning how to say "No" to all that flips on auto-pilot and "Yes, And..." to everything that makes my heart go "WOAH DUDE."

"You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing." - Amy Poehler

And to tail-gait off of that:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." - Matt 6:34

Everyone has a calling to something. I truly believe that. That thing that makes you feel like you're the coolest fool on the planet? Grab hold of it, and keep on running. The beauty of owning what you're deeply and fiercely passionate about lies in your increased ability to relinquish worry. Don't do something because it's easier or sexier or socially more acceptable. Don't do things to get people to love you, or simply for the sake of doing them. Do the thing because you love it. Strive to be better, always seek to learn more, ask for help - but don't waste time worrying. Instead, buckle your bootstraps, dive in, and say "Yes, And."

... Please?