I have insufficiencies. I am inconsistent, broken, imperfect, insecure, and *insert any and all synonyms for the above adjectives here* in countless and numerous ways. I'm a comparer; I yearn for constant affirmation, and there's a part of me, even on my best days, that never ceases seeking completion. In other words, I spend an embarrassing amount of time pining over how I can look better, sound better, live better, do better, be better, but where does all of that searching actually get me? To a place where I feel more depressed, more anxious, and more insufficient than ever before. Anxiety is a fickle thing. Have you ever been so preoccupied about how you'd like a situation to play out, or what you want your future to look like, or how you want to live your life that it drives you to the point of anxiety? Stacking goals and dreams, one on top of the other, until they're piled so high and so tightly that you can't even distinguish one from another anymore? And then one day, you open your eyes and do nothing but stare at the pile of everything you've ever wanted out of life because you don't even know where to start? All of a sudden, that once pile of dreams has now become a pile of fears and untouchables. Instead of focusing on improving your strengths, your focus is on your short-comings, inconsistencies, areas of lacking. You feel incomplete, and until you can find something that satisfies that "complete-ness," you feel lost. Unmotivated and disheartened. I've looked for completion in so many things - hobbies, habits, career trajectories, etc. I've looked for completion in people (which, again, goes along with the whole affirmation thing). I've read book after book, article after article, and listened to pep talk after pep talk, all promising easy-to-follow, step-by-step guides to self-love. And like all new hobbies, habits, relationships, and self-help books, the effects are only temporary; growth curves eventually plateau, routines get boring, the honeymoon phase ends, and we get lazy. This is why we're told time and time again that you can only lead a horse to water.  

Humans are like rubber bands. You read a few self-help books, see progress for a week or two, but always find yourself snapping back to square one. To compensate you'll read a few more self-help books, listen to more TED talks, stretching farther and farther every time until your entire foundation can't take it anymore and it eventually snaps. Ain't that the human condition. 

Maybe I can't speak for everyone - in fact, I most definitely cannot - but I can speak for myself, and I know that I can't be alone in feeling this way. So, if by some miracle you're reading this and what I'm describing is y-o-u, I just want you to know that I feel you, bro. I get you, I understand you, I hear your heart and I feel your struggle. I feel incomplete, insufficient, "not enough" every day of my life. Some days more than others, but the feeling's always there.

But what I've been failing to realize is that finding a sense of sufficiency goes so much deeper than things and people. This leads me into my big revelation of the week which is that the whole idea around seeking "completion," what it really boils down to is purpose. And for me, my "purpose" is extraneously hard to distinguish without Jesus. 

I personally believe that, for me, there is no worldly thing that will ever make me feel truly complete. The longer I live the more I realize this. The grass will always be greener. The more I accomplish, the more I want. What happens after I get married, land my dream job, have kids, and cross every last item on my bucket list? What's next? Will I be happy? Will I feel fulfilled? Will I feel "enough"? Well, here's the cold, hard truth of the rest of my life: If I don't feel that way now - considering everything that I am so fortunate to be blessed with and so unworthy to call mine - odds are, I won't feel any different then. No worldly thing will ever make me feel complete. Not a job, not a person, not even myself. Woah, what? Yeah. I can't even complete myself. Why? Because all these things are imperfect. They're not steadfast. By definition, imperfect literally means "lacking completeness." I am imperfect because I lack completeness. Therefore, for me, the only being that harnesses the ability to ever, ever complete me is God. Because He IS perfect. He is consistent, and whole, and secure, and sufficient. His love, His grace, His complete-ness is more powerful and fulfilling than anything in the known cosmos. He is unwavering, and steady, and everything I am not. Because of this, the only answer to my insufficiency is Him. He is enough. 

So instead of pursuing things and people and ideas - instead of living for that promotion, wedding night, paycheck, early retirement, etc. - I believe that my "purpose" is to pursue Jesus; to live out my calling in service to Him. And that doesn't mean going to church 5 times a week, giving all my money to charity, and memorizing every verse in the bible (while all those things are great and admirable). I can still dream about and work towards getting married, landing my dream job, having a family, and everything else I believe I was set on this earth to do, so long as my focus stays hooked on God. I consistently find that the more I make an effort to lean into Him, the more sufficient I feel. His "enough-ness" covers my lack of. 

Again, this is a me thing. And maybe it's a you thing, but maybe it's totally not. Regardless of your beliefs, background, or situation, my hope is that the biggest idea you take away from this collection of fragmented word vomit and run-on sentences is the idea of living purposefully. Think beyond your comfort desires. What is it that lights your heart on fire? What is it that makes you feel truly and utterly complete? It could be anything: a passion, a mission, God... Whatever it is, go and do that. And don't just go through the motions, but completely surrender yourself to whatever it is. I assure you, it'll make all the difference. 

Alright, it's 1:30 AM, and I have to get up in 3.5 hours. That's all I've got for now. Three cheers for late-night thinking time.

It is one of those days, friends. 

Torrey Pines Reserve (San Diego, CA)

Torrey Pines Beach (San Diego, CA)

Cougar Mountain Park Reserve (Bellevue, WA)

Mt. Hood, Oregon

I'm starting to get real fond of Saturday mornings as of late.

{ Colossians 1 }

Behold! A snapshot of the newest [hippest] and fastest growing tech start up. Corporate headquarters are based in a large, west coast city. The office is located in an old, brick warehouse featuring open floor plans, minimalistic furniture, sharp edges, glass walls, multi-purpose office chairs, standing desks, free espressos, and company nap time. 

Changing tech means changing mindsets. 

I've grown up during a technological revolution. Space and time hold no constraints over our generation as we are now able to upload, download, connect, and plug in within a matter of seconds. Corporations seeking to expand are able to engage in international relations without having to physically go abroad making for bigger, booming, and more competitive industries. I like to refer to this as "The Cloud Phenomenon." As technology continues to advance at an exponentially increasing rate, so goes the shift of our generational mentality.

The "Incentive"

But what about those companies that have become so large that updating their dated processes poses more hassle than benefit; where, because of their size, they aren't as receptive to technological innovation? There are companies today that do great things, not only for their particular industry, but globally as well. However, as technology progresses these companies find themselves falling behind. Say there's a corporation, "Unicorn." Unicorn is the leading manufacturer in it's industry and has been around for over 80 years. In a few years, Unicorn will undergo a massive transition where over 50% of its employee population will retire and be replaced by new employees aged 22-35. That leads us to a problem, however, because while Unicorn is one of the most successful companies in the world, flashier, sexier, and more tech-focused companies such as "Farkle" and "Pino" are snatching up the cream of the crop. (The crop being the incoming working population. Too many metaphors. I apologize.) How, then, do companies like Unicorn incentivize the millenial-minded folks coming in to work for them instead of Farkle or Pino? 

 It's About the People.

This is a problem I face at work every single day. Considering the mindset of the incoming working population, developing a strong company culture (like Google, Microsoft, Airbnb, etc.) is key. And I'm not just talking about having aesthetically appealing office spaces or free food because it's truly SO much bigger than that. The reason why the Googles of the world are so successful is because their people are genuinely excited to come to work everyday. They believe in the product, they believe in the vision, they believe in the company, but more importantly, they know that the company believes in them. 

In conclusion, companies like Unicorn need to take into account the mentality of the up-incoming generation when recruiting. They need to generate excitement about what they do and how they do it. It won't be hard either. There's a reason why Unicorn has been around for so long. All they need to do is focus on making themselves visible; they need to open their doors and show people just how incredible they are. In the end, talent can only go so far. Developing a solid company culture provides any corporation with a sense of trust and community, and it's those human elements that make all the difference.